Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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