You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
