She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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