I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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