can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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