I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
