Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
