maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
