now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize