Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
