Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
