I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
