Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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