I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
