yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
