So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
