I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize