i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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