I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
