8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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