and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
