I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
