What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize