i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
