I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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