If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
