I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
