PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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