Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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