We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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