it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
