It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
