We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
