Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
