Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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