My nipple is on Facebook.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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