We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
