I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
