dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
