I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're so nebulous sometimes
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
