Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
