I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
