It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
