is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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