As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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