smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
