I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
