She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
