I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
how drunk are you?
Several
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
