Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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