I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
