tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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