how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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