Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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