Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
