how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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