I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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