Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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