Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
