Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
