You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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