Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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