she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I deserve this hangover.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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