Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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