Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
