I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
