what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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